Monday, May 3, 2010

Are these your knickers?

So, apparently in Japan it's not that important to not have a dryer - which just guffawed me, since this lil one dries everything - jeans, shirts, shoes, tear stained cry rags, cell phones - ya know that type of thing. Well the funny part about this is that Japan has these random freak wind storms that just blow through for like an hour and then disappear - except that it leaves a trail of freshly laundered clothing in its tail of destruction. I just laugh as I walk over those undergarments, spanky pants and awful, teddy bear printed panties..I kid you not...

Signs in Japan and all over asia are hilarious - they not only butcher the American translation, but they make up their own hysterical new meanings! I can see why there is a need for English teachers here - especially when you hear and see people say "shit down" instead of sit down, or when they tell you to "play hard" - which I'm still trying to figure out...Went out to eat at Red Lobster with the Navy boys earlier in the week, and one of the items on the menu had a curious title - "The Big Surprise Steak" didn't know if that means you get a surprise when you cut into it, or maybe you get a free child with purchase, or maybe it's what comes after you finish your meal...either way, I wasn't taking my chances on that one..

Oh and on the topic of food...Tokyo is known for it's amazing cuisine, beautiful presentations and over priced seating...Well the only thing I've found that's not as much on their radar is the idea of refrigeration...not only do things sit out for hours...people still pick them up and eat it! I thought that only happened in movies like Animal House! They fry it, toast it, boil it, grill it - but they don't know what to do with after - it usually sits on a plate in the middle of the room and people just come in, grab a stick of 4 hour old chicken and dig in! I guess maybe that's the secret to staying skinny - just try to acquire as many food borne illnesses as possible, then you'll only be one stomach flu away from your ideal goal weight...;) Food freaks beware - if you're anything like Ms. Newberry from Glee, you will not survive in Japan! Take your stomach on a whirlwind training session - eat everything out and prep that cement lining for you tummy!

OMG, so I want to dive into the myth that Asians are bad drivers - um, it's cause they ARE!!! I can tell you that in the past 4 weeks I've been in 3 cars and I think I've lost a totally of 30 years off my life! Someone once said that the only drivers left in Tokyo are the bad ones because they killed off all the good ones...I feel there's some truth to this. I was recently in a taxi and I think it came equipped with barf bags! This driver was taking on streets that reminded of the hillside driveways in Capri, Italy - basically 2 feet wide and turns every 3 seconds....but he was doing it at like 60mph!!! I feel that it is the duty of the Japanese people to supply all foreigners with Xanax so that every time they get a ride from anyone they won't need to wear adult diapers after each stoplight. Parking is a whole different issue - thank god all the cars in Tokyo have cameras in the back to help with parking, since I know most of those lil japanese ladies cannot see over the steering wheels - let alone making the car move in the opposite direction and putting it into a space that I could barely lay down in... I will just say that I'm totally glad that I'm not required to drive - because there's no way I could figure out the intersections, the lights and the weird off-ramps - I'd just make my car a pretty flower box instead!

Beautiful day here - thank god the weather gods like me...must have finally figured out the offering system at the Shinto Shrines...I definitely left a chocolate cake at one - so it turns out the sun goddess is a ex-fat-kid-camper - I knew we had something common...;)

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