Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I'm backkkkk!

Ok, so I know that it's been a while, and really - not too much has happened - but let me tell you about life thus far in the rice patty fields of Kasukabe...:)

Well work is quite something else - I didn't plan on having so many children running around me - since I'm pretty sure I would have had my tubes tied (if I had em) after the first week of kids lessons. I have a number of unruly children - who funny enough, talk to me in Japanese thinking I understand them - so when I don't - instead I get a finger full of snot instead. There's something odd about Japanese children and their nasal passages - it's kinda disgusting. I have one child - we call him the whale for a couple of reasons - one he decides to sit in the back of the room and pretend that he's a whale, swimming on the floor and all - then, when he is finally done - he decides to stick both his fingers in his nose and proceed to talk the rest of the class while nose mining to the maximum! I'm not sure how he can get those pudgy little fingers all the way up there - but he's good...
I also have another child who, on the first day, instead of telling me her name - she sneezed in my face! So, while I was busy purelling my face - I had to entertain the children with a round of the ABC song - which after about 50 times looses its allure.
Work is super busy - some days I feel like a hooker standing by my door yelling "next!!" - which then 40 minutes later, I have another group of way-to-eager students waiting to see if I buckle under the pressure of me trying to explain "my pen vs. your pen" I never realized how complicated English is until I try to explain why rules exists - so instead my go to is - 'don't worry about it, just memorize it!'
My managers love me - I can do no wrong - I could probably pee on a child and they would think it's adorable. I think I'm still in the honeymoon period - so I'm gonna milk it for all its worth!

My apartment is much bigger than my old room - which I inconveniently shared with a strange Japanese student - so I feel much better - but the one thing I can't stand is the heat! I feel so though I've stepped into a Swedish sauna each time I come home..it's awful - I feel like I'm constantly dripping from places that I didn't think I could sweat from! Thank god I can break all the rules at work and not have to worry about wearing a tie - since that would just make me a giant walking toaster.

Oh, side note - if someone from America could please make some kind of advertisement showing asians that deodorant is a good thing - that would be amazeballs since I feel as though I'm walking into the wrong side of laundry day each time I step into a train car...

Bills are a funny thing in Japan. Now at home, you usually pay for things the good old fashioned way - with a letter, check and a stamp - but oh no, not in Japan...They proceed to stick a funny little slip of paper in one of your three mail spots in your house and then you take that bill to the 7 eleven (yes, that's not a typo) and you pay your bills there...The biggest problem is since Japan likes to think that it's super efficient.. so instead of just giving you one bill - you get a weekly update...now for a local, that's probably great - but for a foreigner, it makes me worried that I'm going to get up in the morning and have to take a cold shower cause they have turned off my hot water...

I know that nature and I haven't always been the best of friends - but recently, nature shocked me yet again....I was walking by the river when I heard this god awful low burp ribbit thing, and I literally recoiled and ran - only to find out that it's a bull frog...These things sound like prehistoric rabid donkeys with strep throat - it's the scariest thing at night! Who ever said you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince was seriously not lockin lips with one of these behemoth things! Nature 1 - Dain 0

Well since you all know that I am prone to judge - I have found a few more faults of Japanese women...So, it seems as though there are only 2 kinds of women in Japan - the ones that people call exotic, who belong in magazines or on tv - and all the rest - who look as though they have fallen from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. To make matters worse - there is some kind of genetic defect with people being pigeon toed...it's not just a little bit, I'm talking about tripping over your left big toe as you walk - it's awful and it looks painful. So instead of hiding these flaws as a normal person would - the lovely young girls wear hooker thigh highs and Mary Janes and strut their lopsided selves down the street. You go gurl!

Oh and let me tell you about the garbage nazis...So, being that Japan is only technically an island - there's not a lot of places to put garbage - so the Japanese have gotten creative by doing things like burning it, sinking it or burying it. Well, each day there is a different pick up for each type of item. Now, in the states, there is a day for recycle and garbage - but Japan takes it one step farther - you must separate out the glass, the plastic bottles, the cans, the cardboard, the combustible, the non combustible and the compost. Now, according to the calendar, downstairs, in Japanese, that I can't read - each day has a different color. Well I haven't gotten that pattern down yet, so I just take everything and put in into the designated area for the waste. Usually in the morning, I come to see that someone has gone through my trash and separated out everything, placing some outside as though I should come back and get it. This is why I have to pull my stealthy ninja type move at night so none of the neighbors know that it's me that's putting the waste out on the wrong day, so I usually pretend like I'm going somewhere one my bike - make one pass by - then like a bat outta hell - I throw everything into the cement landing under the netting and make a run for it! I'm just waiting for the day that there is either a) a little old lady waiting with a tazer gun outside the garbage area or b) all of my lovely discards are piled neatly back onto my front door...

Saw Cirque du Soleil here in Tokyo - what an amazing show - the music was the best yet and the performers were pretty attractive I must say - too bad the first thing I though was - wow, I guess I need to start going to the gym twice a day...:P

And lastly, in America we tend to feel that some things are kept private - like social security numbers, sexual history and the number of times you've inadvertently peed your pants - well in Japan, there are no rules against what kind of things they ask for, which I have come to find that the strangest thing I have been asked for is my blood type - at the bank! I'm not sure how this works - but I'm guessing that in case I either slit my wrists on an ATM withdraw or get shot during a hold up - they would be able to tell the hospital what bag to fix me up with. I guess I'm just hoping that when I sign up for my grocery discount card next week that they don't ask me for a stool sample...:P