Japanese Vampires?

Well I must say that I'm very thankful for the weather being cooler - but I guess I thanked the weather gods a little too early - now we have massive floods goin on - I swear I'm on the third floor I feel like there is gonna be a massive flash flood down my hallway...The rain here is different than in seattle - I know that sounds weird - but it actually stings here - it's big, heavy and cold - so it's not fun...plus the city needs to work on their drainage issues - just cause you have a drain doesn't mean the water is gonna go in it - the road needs to be level first!

2 things I've noticed more than before are bad breath and cauliflower ears...

I'm not really sure how cauliflower ears comes about - I just knew it was from wrestlers in High school who spent too much time face down on the mat - but here's its very common - and very distracting. People sit next to me on the trains and I can't help but stare since it looks like their ear lost a battle with the garbage disposal...I'm curious if it hurts? Can they hear well? Is it due to inbreeding?

Also, bad breath is very prevalent in Tokyo and I have a theory - rice. I have noticed that my body has changed since eating so much rice - my natural smell has altered itself. I think that people who eat rice 3 times a day start to process it differently and their body just uses the carbs and dumps the rest. The breath smells a little like a stale rice cake...it's really awful when are you either stuffed next to them on a busy train ride home or at a store where they feel the need to be right up close and personal when asking you for help.

Speaking of sales people - I have found a new level of annoyance with them - it seems as though most of them not only yell once you are in their shop - but now they start yelling when there are sales. They have special power hour sales - but instead of just posting a sign - they make sure everyone in the western hemisphere can hear it! Even though my maxed volume Ipod - I can still hear the shrill, soul shaking announcement about 2 for 1 on scrunchies...

So, when you miss the last train in Japan - you have 2 options - take a taxi and be broke for a month or just wait it out at the station you are stuck at. Well I did that yesterday on my way home from a lovely day of looking at beautiful shrines in Asakusa. I was stuck at the end of the line in a city that is a hub for the area I'm in - so I was thinking that there would be things like Karaoke places open - nope, wrong....Instead, I was haggled by 4 hookers when I went to the 7-11 for water and then ran past them into the Denny's and hid there for 3 hours until my the first train started. Again, Tokyo is the safest place in the world, and my only fear was what airborne diseases I would get from these poor Philippino hookers that kept asking me about having a 'good time'...

oh, btw - pigeons - grossest birds in the world - I think those flying rats could easily be exterminated and no one would miss them...

It's always funny when we go out to an Izakaiya, they have things on the menu that are supposed to reflect a semblance of American or Italian cuisine. Instead, what they do is they just make it as close as they can with the ingredients they have on hand...

Here's a few examples...

Margarita Pizza - classically tomato, mozzarella and basil...Well last time it was ketchup, string cheese and dried oregano...

Club Sandwich - usually turkey, bacon, lettuce, cheese and other good things - the one we had last time was a fried egg, ketchup, mustard, deli meat and greens...

If it's called cheesecake - it doesn't count if you stick a piece of cheese on top of sweet cake and toast it...

So I have found out a reason why so many places in Japan ask for your blood type. At first, I thought that it was because they were worried that if I were to get hurt, they would be able to know what kind of blood to supply me with - nope, not the case. Apparently, the reason that asking someone their blood type is not a personal question is because it tells a lot about the persons character - much like we say Zodiac signs do. People in Japan actually discriminate against other types of blood - like A and B don't get along and O is the best for the workplace. So, I wonder how many people have lied or lost jobs because of this strange plasmic segregation? It's not uncommon for someone to ask on a first date what your blood type is because families will reject the suitor or future inlaw because of their blood type, they only want the best lines for their family and will be vocal about it. Wow, and we thought we had it rough in America with interracial dating..:P

Well on Saturday, I had quite the adventure - and not a preplanned fun one...

During class on Friday, I had quite a strange episode that can really only be described as a small stroke. Now, normally if something strange happens, I just shake it off, but this time - it was abnormal...I wasn't able to see, which was followed by the loss of the ability to read or understand words. Oh yeah, and on top of that my breathing made me sound like a 20 year emphysema patient...

So, after deciding to followup with a doctor - I made the trek to the local hospital. Now, in America, we have private insurance, which has it's goods and bads, but in Japan - they are on National insurance, so there's really no difference in patient treatment - you could have hay fever or you could be holding your severed left arm and you'd still be in line behind the sneezing guy...

The hospitals weren't as newly updated as I would have thought and they were chocked full of geriatrics and snot rags...After you check in - it becomes musical chairs for the gifted - they have 5 different waiting areas for different procedures. I met the doctor after waiting for an hour, only to have him tell me to not worry about the head thing and to move to the next waiting line for the x-rays and blood work. The area that this was to happen in felt like it was a TV stage area from M*A*S*H - there were no partitions and everyone was lined up with their arms out looking like they were waiting of the heroin fairy to make a visit. And, of course, she asked my blood type, which is just shrugged my shoulders and asked if she would be able to test and tell me so that I could stop making up a different blood type each time.

The x-ray place reminded me of a fallout shelter. There were these huge metal sheets on the ceiling, a CT scanner that looked more like a coffin and the x-ray machine made me think of a dart board.

After all 20 people helped me through the process, we then sat and waited around for another hour to pay! Now, in the US, you wait for insurance to take care of it and pay your deductible and so on....well in Japan, you pay when you are at the doctors - so the woman behind the counter is adding up numbers longer than most grocery lists to see what the damage is...Surprisingly, it only cost 35 bucks to get everything and all the tests - so it looks as though National Insurance isn't half bad - now if we can just work on the expediency of it all so next time I go I don't have to worry about dying before I'm diagnosed....

it's Xmas in July!

Well not really, but Japanese have the hardest time with getting the holidays on the right days, or even months for that matter! I know that you are a whole day in the future to the rest of the western world, but seriously - let's check out the calendar since you are planning on ripping off the American holidays, do it with some dignity!

Let's look at example A - Halloween is a holiday at the end of October - not for the middle of September - yesterday, I found out that all the Halloween decorations for the office must be up by today, the 22nd of September...Also, haunted houses don't seem that scary when it's still light out at 7pm, aka - don't start them until October! September is the time for students to bitch and moan about classes and having to go back to school from their summer vacations - I can't make a bulletin board with pencils, rulers and witches hats - it's screws up the whole fung shui of it!

Example B - Valentines is the 14th of February - not the 14th of March - it's a overly romanticized holiday where everyone is supposed to be googlie-eyed for a special someone and you shower them with chocolates and flowers...well, in Japan, the ladies get the men a gift on the 14th and then a month later the men reciprocate...why would you want to prolong the world's cheesiest holiday!?

Example C - Christmas is on the 25th - there is no way around that - it's a holiday that has been brilliantly designed by the business masters of the 20th century who figured out that the only good time to shop is when it's cold out since malls are warm. Not only do they not have stockings in Japan - they feel the need to go to KFC and buy chicken, since there is no turkey available, and pretend to live in the holiday spirit that wafts over from America...Let's just say if I get rice in my stocking I won't be a happy camper..oh and don't even get me started on not having cranberry sauce for my substitute Thanksgiving this year...:P

So, another funny food thing is when there are foods that have the same name but are actually something totally different. I learned this over the past week from a student when we decided to discuss tapioca pudding. It went from a simple, light conversation about a yummy american snack into a full on debate over what the hell tapioca is - complete with diagrams and hand gestures....basically, we both agreed to disagree...:)

I would like to point out some basics in foreign gym etiquette...

If I'm on a machine, don't stand next to me waiting for me to finish - because I'm probably not goin to move any faster, I will grunt louder and I will try to sweat on all the parts that you will have to touch next..:)

If I put my Ipod ear phones back in, that's my non verbal communicative way of telling you that I'm done speaking to you in broken Japanese....

Please don't stretch out naked in the locker room after you are done with your work outs - it's already an awkward enough place for me to be stuck in a small room with naked asian men...

Passing gas on a treadmill is inappropriate, period...

If you are in an aerobics class wearing raver pants, a leopard print tube top, pink air force one sneakers and a sweatband that says 'eat me' - I'm gonna stare - get over it!

FYI - my new food love - vanilla bean custard cream puffs - oohh, how skinny of me!

Back at the ranch -

I have a student that is destined to be the next Regina George from Mean girls - she's 3 1/2 and she's already kickin ass and takin names. This little firecracker has spunk - she gives me attitude pretty much every time she's in class ,she hits me with her little stiletto - and her newest thing is to try and steal extra stickers when I specifically tell her only one...Today she thought it was funny to give me a wet willy...except she decided to forego the finger in the mouth and went right for the nasal cavity instead...

We have these get togethers at work when a teacher leaves, but unfortunately its just a time when we all get to talk about all the terrors that we each have - it's kinda like seeing who has the most ridiculous, awful, hopeless and difficult students...makes some feel better - for others, like me, it's just like a free therapy session....oh and the smiles on the faces of the teachers who are leaving is priceless - you can pretty much see a neon sign flashing above with an arrow pointing to the rest of us saying "suckers!!"

The fall is a very special time for me - it makes me really nostalgic for things that I miss back home - like friends in college, walks around 23rd street in portland, Pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks that I can special order and big maple leaves...

The fall has yet to come to Kasukabe, but when it does, I'm sure I'll be a mess...but the good thing is I will be sweating less, I can break out my pashminas and it's only a few months until I get to be in Hawaii!

I will say on a final funny note that I get my clothes dry cleaned here since I can't use the iron in my house because it makes my circuit breaker trip. Well I was at work all day with a busy schedule and instead of some telling me that there was a dry cleaning tag on my butt all day, I got to walk around with a giant stapled number through 10 lessons, a trip to the grocery store and a march through the local mall..god bless those far-too-polite Japanese....

Jurassic Park

So Japan is much harder on students than I previously thought. Now, we all know that the poor children have to go to school 6 days and then have to deal with awful English teachers like me after their long days in public school...but what I found out today is not only do they have to study all the time - they actually have to take a test to get into high school - High school!? I told one of my students that we just go to the school in the area we live and she almost lost her mind - she's been studying for almost a year just to get into the high school she wants. Cheers to them, but if I was a student in Japan with my track record for studying - this little one would be a grade A burger flipper for sure!

Don't ever try to learn Japanese while listening to people on the phone in Japan - not only do they sound like broken records, they really only use like 4 words....It's hysterical to eavesdrop on a conversation thinking that it'll be a good learning experience, but instead - all you hear is hi, hi, hi, hi, so, so, so, so, so, hi, so, hi, hi...omg, it's awful....I actually asked one of my friends if she even had a conversation or just listened to someone state their grocery store list...

So, news from around the watering hole...

I have a new student who apparently farts whenever he gets nervous or frustrated - so basically I have decided that he will only be repeating the ABC's until he's 50..

There is an older student that has an arm thing goin on where she holds her hand like a swan neck when she talks to me and I can't keep my eyes off of it - it's so distracting.

I have a two year old starting this week and I'm not sure what to do with a child of that age - but I think I've narrowed her first lesson down to two things - how to make the perfect martini or Sarah Jessica Parker's shoes from Sex and the City...it's a toss up...

I have a new nick name for the mangers at work - The Seagulls...You know that absolutely obnoxious sound seagulls make when you stop throwing them french fries at the pier - well that's the sound they make when they are greeting students or sending them off - it's not a wonder the students make a run for the elevator when their are done with class - I'd avoid that verbal tonal abuse at all costs too!

As we all know, the hair in Japan is pretty horrendous - but the newest fashion flub to attack Tokyo are fingernails! They are long, mulit-colored digit messes. Oh, and they aren't short by any means - they are Velocraptor claw length stretching outward just waiting to attack...They have reflective fake gems the size of bike reflectors on them and even have chains with charms hanging from them. I kid you not - there was girl with a Hello Kitty hanging from her middle finger - barf! It's like they tried to dress their nails with their eyes closed - they are just a mess! Watching girls struggle with texting on their phones with their giant surfboard nail extensions is fun - though the best is when their gems get snagged on their hair as they primp - awesome! Remember when press on's were actually cool - I think Tokyo is where press on nails go to die! And of course, it's not the ladies that have the nice, tailored, conservative outfits who rock these god awful finger accessories - it's the ones that wear the skanky-Miami meets Indie-80's-rocker clothes, so the whole ensemble is just a complete visual tragic monstrosity!

Side note - I don't care how long, annoying, in-the-way or tangled your hair is - Men should not have pig tails!

If their outfits weren't bad enough - they have another accessory - and these ones pee, whimper and creep me out - little purse dogs. I know that Tokyo is an over crowded city, so there's no room for normal dogs, like Labs or Golden Retrievers - but for god sakes, get rid of the ugly tea cup, miniature, genetically flawed, oversized rats - and especially don't ruin a perfectly good Gucci bag by shoving one of these hairy rodents into it! They have them everywhere - in the elevators, in lunch places, department stores, in bike baskets and hair salons. Dogs are meant to dig in the dirt, wrestle and bark at cats - not quiver in fear when they see a bird or falling leaves...I do find it funny that when you see a guy walking a small dog in America, he is either a) gay or b) walking it for his prissy girlfriend while she talks on the phone to her obnoxious girlfriends...Here - it's just a Tuesday night...no butch points are subtracted for walking your mini-yorkie - but be warned - if I'm not within kicking distance to boot it in to the upper stratosphere - I will be judging your ass!!!

So, the hike up Mt Fuji was pretty damn cool...not only was it a beautiful evening out without rain, wind or lines - we were able to hike up by moonlight! I felt so very authentic and rustic Japanese....

It took us about 6 hours to get to the top from the 5th station on the mountain. If you remember last time, we were pelted by rain, hail and wind that actually forced us down early and kept up from the top. This time we were able to get all the way to the top without any problems. We did run into many annoying Americans, some of which thought I was Japanese and were talking about me as I was hiking - I giggled the whole time and they were so embarrassed at the top when I turned to Erin, my hiking partner, and said, "Im pretty sure they thought I didn't speak any English", which they then went white and ran away...lol

We were there at the top way before we shoulda been - almost 3 hours to wait for the sunrise - which normally would have been fine - but because it was zero degrees - and I only had a jacket and sweatshirt on - I shivered and bitched the whole time waiting....We made a nest to keep warm by a big rock and had the most perfect viewing position - so we rotated turns going down to the little hut below that had a bathroom and souvenirs. There were probably about 1000 people on the hill with us to view, which was awesome to watch people hiking up below us because it looked like a airport runway all the way down the mountain - insane! All these little ants marching up the hill at 3 am in the dark to reach the summit - unfortunately, some people didn't make it because the line was so long and some people aren't as quick and nimble, some had to enjoy the sunrise from the side of the trail.

I had packed 2 special things in my bag - sake to cheers with a cucumber...

I know, a cucumber?! Well the story goes that when you hike up Fuji, you are much closer to the heavens, so you are able to communicate with your ancestors. So, while you are up there, they come down and you bring the cucumber with you and a pair of chopsticks to build what looks like a horse. This is so that the spirits of your ancestors are able to ride back to heaven. During Obon, the really big holiday weekend in Japan, the top of the mountain is littered with these. It was kinda a special moment - all until I cheersed my sake and spilled it all over! I think that the lack of oxygen made my head psyche itself out and i think "loopy" is the only word to describe my actions. :)

It was the last chance this year to be able to go and hike up Mt. Fuji since the season closed this weekend - because it starts to get too cold, icy, rainy and dangerous. I'm so glad that I was able to conquer that beast! It was one of those special moments that you keep with you forever, even though I'm sure all the people on the train home would rather of us not shared with them since we smelled like all the worst parts of a rodeo or sewer treatment plant - but, hey - you can't win em all....I just winked at them and said, "when was the last time you climbed Fuji-san eh?" :)

Bugzilla!

I thought that Godzilla was killed by a fictitious moth thing - but it turns out those things actually live here! They are huge - I would have thought for a small island country like Japan that the bugs would have been small and scarce..um, no...

This morning I woke up to the largest praying mantis on my door and I actually squealed a little - I thought it was gonna go right for my jugular! The moths here are also nothing to gawk at...They can be up to 6 inches and apparently they are actually poisonous - what?!

My least favorite, of course, are the spiders - which thank god I have not had the opportunity to run into yet...but the other creepy crawlies here are the large cockroaches that live everywhere...They are black, big and have wings - they are basically the grim reaper in bug form. My managers at work are so scared of them that they will interrupt my class to make me get one out of the hallway....Oh and if you are not used to cicadas - don't move here in the summer time - I am still confused in the morning when I keep trying to shut off my alarm clock, only to realize that it's a dying cicada in my window...

Ok - so I know there is doctors without borders - but can someone please start a dentists without borders and begin with Japan. The teeth here are awful! Between the yellow, crooked, snaggled tooth or the non flossers - I can't figure it out...there are more fake teeth here than all of Boca Raton and Scotsdale combined! And it's not just old people, young people have faces chocked full of messed up chewers too...

Let's talk about some basics in biking rules. Yes, I still have it and No, I haven't killed anyone while riding yet....

If you are a walker and you choose to walk in a fish tale pattern like a drunk sailor - then you are eligible for being run over - it's almost like you are a giant bullseye - so don't complain when I barely clip your shoulder..

If your bike has a squeaky brake - get it fixed or give up on using it and play kamikaze at the intersection, cause I can't handle that sound anymore!

Bikes are not like cars - it's not as funny to try and see how many drunk people you can fit on one bike at a time...

Just like driving - don't text and bike - it doesn't work and you ultimately end up sending inappropriate texts thanks to autocorrect

If I park my bike somewhere over night - that doesn't automatically mean that it becomes a garbage station - so stop putting your empty beer cans in my mommy basket!

Let me tell you about some of the parents that show up to work everyday. Some of these moms are gorgeous - yet they have the most horrendous children. These are the ones that hurl candy shrapnel out of their noses at me when they sneeze or think it's funny to kick me in the shins while I'm talking to their parents....I wanna ask them if they have bad vaginal karma at some point and popped out the anti-christ...

My other favorite is the moms that dress their children to match them - and I mean down to the bracelets...it's almost creepy - I can't tell if it's the mom that wants to stay young or the daughter who wants to grow up - but either way, it tends to freak me out and I hide in my room...

I swear if I have to play one more game of UNO, I might actually pitch myself out my 4th story window! I really wish that we could somehow make UNO a drinking game at work - it would make it so much more enjoyable. It's also funny to see how many different variations of the rules there are for my little ones....not only do I have to remember their non-genderfied names, now I also have to remember if they play doubles, stacking or single picks...uggh!

I am looking for other games that they actually understand - but I can't seem to get the idea of Old maid or rummy - way too complicated and I just don't have the patience to teach them yet- especially when a majority of them end up getting distracted and pick their friends noses instead - which reminds me to pick up some more purell and to laminate the cards so I can soak them in bleach at night...

I haven't had the heart to tell my coworker that he smells like a dirty rag - but I think it will be imperative in the next week before I pass out cold at work from the overwhelming rankness that looms in the hallways when he walks by. The smell can only be described to those who have worked in a bar before and know that smell that a bar towel gets after a crazy night, full of drunken college kids and it's the only cloth left and you'd rather not wipe up the spill then potentially get let the stench penetrate your skin - yeah, it's that times 10...I absolutely love my coworker because he's the simplest man ever. He's so kind you can't hate anything he does - though he is probably the most socially awkward person you will ever run into, he means well and is pretty cute with the kids....

So, I know that I'm an english teacher and I should be teaching them all the correct things to say and what not, but when you have said the same word 100 times in a row and then need to say it in the next class 100 times again - you want to change it up to keep yourself sane. I've learned a new trick to keep myself entertained - last week I had a young child that I decided to hold a fork up and I told her to say "spoon"...I giggled until I saw her the next week and she had her lunch with her and she looked at her mom with her fork in her hand and said 'spoon' - the mother speaks perfect english...crap! I rushed away with my head down, karmatically kicking my own ass...oh but today, there was a funny moment with an older lady that I have who read the book Anne of Green Gables during the past week and decided to tell me about it - while she was trying to describe the title of the book - she asked me how to say 'gables', so we worked it out phonetically....by the time I realized how I had split the word up - I was already trying to hold back the tears - I looked up on the white board and I had written "gay bulls"...which she nodded and wrote down in her daily file...great, now she thinks that the book is an animal version of Brokeback mountain....

Gays on Parade...

literally...

Today was gay pride in Tokyo - which is kind of the funniest oxymoron I've found in Japan so far - even more so than the phrase "good drivers"...

If you have ever been to a Pride parade in a large city - like Seattle, New York or Sydney - Tokyo pales in comparison. It was kinda like that cute attempt the 5 years old does when riding a bike for the first time, falls over and you pat them on the head and say 'try it again love..'

We all gathered (by all, I mean like 3000 people) in the big park in Shinjuku area - very fun park area, but we were very confused at first since there was also a music festival, which at first made me think that there were hundreds more people attending - nope, they were there to listen to some version on paid karaoke.

So we all queued up at the beginning and we were assigned a color band that corresponded to a group of parade participants - well we couldn't find our group - so we made our own. :)

Oh, and they don't call it a parade - it's a demonstration, since you cannot dance or sign without a permit and you are only allowed to have one motorized float per demonstration - and you can only use 1/4 of the street - so not only were we marching in protest, we were shoved on the side of the street while traffic continued to whizz by...lol

It was fun to see all the people dressed up in crazy anime costumes and even funnier to see the parade onlookers' reactions. People in Japan don't really know what to do with gay people, so instead of discrimination - they just kinda ignore and let them do their own thing. There were tons of foreigners in and around the parade - many of them were disappointed due to the lack of energy wince it was just basically a walk in the streets with rainbows - so nothing different from a normal Tuesday...;) Next year - I'm gonna need to be in charge and step this whole event up - we need some glitter, boys in spandex, thumpa thump music and the sister of perpetual indulgence...

There is this very strange business concept that has become a mecca for the losers in high school who never had girlfriends to come and hangout and have someone dode on you....it's call a Maid Cafe. It's probably the most uncomfortable experience for a gay man ever! YOu are escorted into the cafe and all the little 'maids' start giggling and squealing and talking to you - they make a big fuss about everything - they like to touch your hair and your clothes. Then they come over and they get on their knees and take your orders - mine was for a iced cappuccino - something that I thought would be pretty harmless. The little girl skipped off with her pig tails bouncing like she was on a trampoline. Her outfit was the classic french maid style - but pink and she kept squeaking when she talked...

I literally downed the cappuccino so that I could get the hell outta there - since I felt as though my absence of hallucinogens in my system were going to be a problem if I stayed there any longer...Note to the world - only go there if you think you have missed out on play time as a 3 year old...

Shopping in Ginza is quite the fun experience. The best part is you can pretend that you are some jet setter because all you have to do is wear your sunglasses inside each store - even though I think all the employees know that you are only in their store because they have the AC cranked up to the Antarctic setting. Abercrombie and Fitch has a giant 9 story flagship store and it's more like a ride at Disneyland than a shopping facility. When you walk in - there are shirtless men to take pictures with you - heavenly!

Then you are squished into an elevator - which we all know I hate - and then you are dropped off on the top floor - only to fight your way down to the bottom - which seems as though you are pinball bouncing from A&F salesperson to A&F salesperson - there are actually 4 per floor! They offered me a job when I was there, which was flattering, but I did my classic diva move - which involves the lowering of my sunglasses just enough for me to wink and tell them, I don't do retail hours....

When you eat in Japan - don't expect to be polite like we are in America and wait for everyone to receive something eat before digging in. Here, the first thing up comes to the table, so you get more of a broken progressive dinner than a coursed meal. It's very strange to be with a group and your food comes first and you wait for everyone else - so your food gets ice cold and the server keeps asking if anything is wrong. This is why so many tables just end up staring all the food instead of eating their own. Plus, never stack your plates - they find it rude - whereas those of us who have worked in the industry, think it's a nice gesture...

So, since my last train home is so early, I'm usually forced to stay out all night until the first train - which is the best time to really see the city. I went to Tsukiji market, which is the largest seafood market in the world. This place is so famous because of it's tuna auctions in the mornings. Well, they start at about 4 am for this - so those of us that are still stumbling around the city can find themselves at some of the best sushi places in Tokyo. You literally cannot get fresher sushi - the fish comes in from the boat and goes right to the plate. The tuna was like butter!

The market itself is absolutely crazy - there is no room for error in maneuvering yourself around the endless stalls - there are these crazy electric carts that transport the 1/2 ton tuna from here to their and they don't really have driving rules inside the market. There are hundreds of stalls and open with the fruits of the sea pouring in every few minutes. This place is 5 times the size of Pike Place Market and is absolute chaos - tourists would for surely die if this was in the states - plus the stall people are friendly to tourists since we are ultimately just in the way and customer service is not on their radar since we are not going to drag around 10 pounds of squid or 50 eels...

The national holiday is this week called Obon. It's a celebration for those who have died - similar to Dia del Muerto in Mexico - where the family goes to the grave, brings flowers and offerings and hangs out with the tombstones. Here, the whole city shuts down since everyone is supposed to be with their family - which of course is also gay pride since none of the asian men want to be with their families here...;)

So today, say a little prayer and remember the ones we have lost and cheers them with what's in hand....kampai!

drool and sweat

Wow - Tokyo is one hot place....

I can't even tell you all the crazy amounts of buckets of sweat I have lost...since this morning!!!

It's about 90 with 10000% humidity - its basically what I envision hell to be like - except with way more rice and less bad drivers...

It's only going to get hotter - which means I have another 12 weeks of sweating from pores that I didn't know existed..

My advice, unless your cold blooded creature - stay away from Tokyo when the sun is shining! It's funny cause I don't even mind that I have sweat streaks running down my back since the only thing I'm concerned with is the next stop off with AC!!

There actually are different levels of sweating I've decided - starts with the mild, healthy glow that you get when it's warm...then it moves into the small beads of sweat that accumulate on your head - much like on a first date or an awkward encounter with an ex...Then you start to get the back sweat, the kind that makes it awful to wear a shirt that has the ability to change colors like gray to dark gray - it's like putting a bullseye on your back for the butt end of jokes on the train...then, when the damn sun is in full force - you get the waterfall - the uncontrollable face, back, leg, arm leakage that just makes you the most unattractive person in the world - at this point you either need to just assuming the position and walk with your head high or find a nice boutique with an arctic blast goin on and pretend to show until you are dry - I won't mention that today I spent an hour in a lingerie shop cause it was colder than the skater shop next door - thank god for being gay!!

There is something fun that we don't have in America - Summer festivals! There is a festival every weekend in Japan. They are full of drunk people banging drums and bouncing portable shrines on their shoulders. The best part is these festivals are kind of just an excuse for more public drunkenness. I went to festival for the morning glory last week - wtf?!! who has a party over a plant?! The parties don't last long and everyone gets dressed up, which is fun - all except for the men in the traditional gear - let me explain the meaning of butt floss....It's like a diaper cut in half in the back and shoved in between ones butt cheeks - now it wouldn't be bad if these people all looked like Mario Lopez or someone with ass for days, but instead, we get to witness the horror of a drunk salary man running around like a giant kindergartener thinking he looks decent. Don't even get me started on the whistle blowing during these events - my ear drums are still recovering.

Though the good thing about summer is the food changes with the seasons - there are all new kinds of wonders to try at the store. Some good, some to pass on - but all worth a try. Many of the fruits are in full swing at this point and they are mixed into most desserts - very delicious. Along with food - I have learned that there are different ways to hold chopsticks - I thought there was just a universal way to get the food from plate to mouth - oh, no - there is a finesse that makes me green with envy...I have watched people eat with their finger towards the ends, others with this claw like position, some with the finely engineered positioning to get the optimal leverage...it's crazy - so I have been trying to mimic these over the last week - lets just say that I've stained 4 shirts, 2 pairs of pants and crushed my pride.

Earth quakes are common in japan - the only thing is I wish we could time them correctly. I was totally asleep in my sauna of an apartment finally, and then I am awoken to the rumbling of a minute long earthquake. Normally I would be fine with these - but you know that time when you are just waking up and you don't remember even you own name. Well my instinct was to grab something and run for the hills - well apparently the only thing close to me was a hand towel and I couldn't decide whether to run for the squeaky screen door or the front door. I chose the later and ended up saying hello to my new neighbors with just a hand towel - classy Dain...

The beaches in Tokyo are actually really fun - they are clean and there aren't many people at them since Japanese find tan skin repulsive. I liked the fact that there were 2 people in 500 feet of beach this weekend and it was hot as hell - where as in Seattle, I'd either have to bride someone with beer or sexual favors to cough up a small square of grass to sit on at Madison Beach. Too bad I look like Sebastian from the Little Mermaid now....:P

Omg, Let me tell you about the newest hair thing that scares the hell outta me - My good friend Erin calls it the super bun. This is a mess of hair properly arranged on the tops of ones head ranging from the size of a baseball to a small soccer ball. These things are dangerous since they are full of secrets and would probably do damage if fallen on...

Today, I saw one of the best specimens yet - she was sitting next to me so I couldn't take an photographic proof - but I crap you not, this thing was probably the size of a healthy watermelon precariously perched on top of her streaked blonde hair. The best part was that in between me attempting to touch it to see if it was actually a raccoon on her head - a beetle fell from the rack above onto the giant beehive mess and she didn't even notice - it was the first time that though I might actually have to get off the train to pee!!!

On a negative note about trains - it's the beginning of jumper season in Tokyo. I've already been to a station that was closed because someone thought it was better to jump in front a train then continue on with life. It's very sad - but unfortunately a very common occurrence here in Tokyo - pretty much weekly - it's covered by the national Japanese Insurance apparently, which is good cause it costs so much for clean up and the time lost for all the passengers - but it's so sad to think that someone is so sad that they can't go on - I want all those people to come and talk to me and hopefully some of my sparkly glitter will rub off on them!

Better news about the train today - I was coming home from Shibuya and there was the funnest thing I've seen yet on the trains. This woman, who looked normal and like a regular everyday business lady, sits down on the train across from me, pulls out a small blue hand towel, proceeds to place it gingerly around her neck like ones does with a bib to a child, puts her head down and sleeps - now this may not seems strange, but when when the woman is a natural drooling waterfall - one can't help but giggle - I could see the spittle in the sunshine and it was pretty much like a faucet dripping in full force...She literally was asleep in her drool on the train, in the middle of the day, she got up - folded up her towel and got off at the stop before me - now at this point I had laughed so hard I thought I was going to throw up!!!

Oh, let me tell you about some of my new students. There was a little girl who is newer to my Friday afternoon class - she has an amazing trick that she likes to perform, I think unconsciously during my class. She blows snot bubbles as she talks!!! It's awkward cause I laugh the whole time and I think she doesn't know why - I'm like a big 10 year old when she comes to class cause I wanna see if she's able to do it again each week. Too bad she's adorable and like 6...uggh - I'm awful...lol

So, I also have this new ritual with the hellian of a child and it's driving me nuts - not only am I not able to eat in peace when he's there - he has decided that it's awesome or ransack my room while I"m on my lunch and come over and stick his finger in each of my food items and ask what they are = if I don't get the bird flu - I will be shocked!!!

On a final note, a story that cannot be missed - so I have told you in the past about the garbage situation in Japan - everything is separated and organized...everything goes on different days - it's all greek to me - I can't figure out what the damn sign says so I usually just wait until I see what's supposed to be thrown away, run downstairs with my garbage and pray that I don't get yelled at by the little old ladies...We'll I've learned that easier then that is just to throw it away late at night when no one can spy on me so that I don't have to figure out which days to separate since some little magic elf does it anyways whenever i leave it...Well I guess I'm busted since last week, I pulled my usual CIA undercover spy move and ran it to the communal garbage spot and stealthily walked away - only to find the garbage piled neatly back up - ON MY PORCH! I've been spotted, tagged and labeled by the neighbors - damn - the honeymoon period is over!!!