Saturday, September 11, 2010

Jurassic Park

So Japan is much harder on students than I previously thought. Now, we all know that the poor children have to go to school 6 days and then have to deal with awful English teachers like me after their long days in public school...but what I found out today is not only do they have to study all the time - they actually have to take a test to get into high school - High school!? I told one of my students that we just go to the school in the area we live and she almost lost her mind - she's been studying for almost a year just to get into the high school she wants. Cheers to them, but if I was a student in Japan with my track record for studying - this little one would be a grade A burger flipper for sure!

Don't ever try to learn Japanese while listening to people on the phone in Japan - not only do they sound like broken records, they really only use like 4 words....It's hysterical to eavesdrop on a conversation thinking that it'll be a good learning experience, but instead - all you hear is hi, hi, hi, hi, so, so, so, so, so, hi, so, hi, hi...omg, it's awful....I actually asked one of my friends if she even had a conversation or just listened to someone state their grocery store list...

So, news from around the watering hole...
I have a new student who apparently farts whenever he gets nervous or frustrated - so basically I have decided that he will only be repeating the ABC's until he's 50..
There is an older student that has an arm thing goin on where she holds her hand like a swan neck when she talks to me and I can't keep my eyes off of it - it's so distracting.
I have a two year old starting this week and I'm not sure what to do with a child of that age - but I think I've narrowed her first lesson down to two things - how to make the perfect martini or Sarah Jessica Parker's shoes from Sex and the's a toss up...
I have a new nick name for the mangers at work - The Seagulls...You know that absolutely obnoxious sound seagulls make when you stop throwing them french fries at the pier - well that's the sound they make when they are greeting students or sending them off - it's not a wonder the students make a run for the elevator when their are done with class - I'd avoid that verbal tonal abuse at all costs too!

As we all know, the hair in Japan is pretty horrendous - but the newest fashion flub to attack Tokyo are fingernails! They are long, mulit-colored digit messes. Oh, and they aren't short by any means - they are Velocraptor claw length stretching outward just waiting to attack...They have reflective fake gems the size of bike reflectors on them and even have chains with charms hanging from them. I kid you not - there was girl with a Hello Kitty hanging from her middle finger - barf! It's like they tried to dress their nails with their eyes closed - they are just a mess! Watching girls struggle with texting on their phones with their giant surfboard nail extensions is fun - though the best is when their gems get snagged on their hair as they primp - awesome! Remember when press on's were actually cool - I think Tokyo is where press on nails go to die! And of course, it's not the ladies that have the nice, tailored, conservative outfits who rock these god awful finger accessories - it's the ones that wear the skanky-Miami meets Indie-80's-rocker clothes, so the whole ensemble is just a complete visual tragic monstrosity!

Side note - I don't care how long, annoying, in-the-way or tangled your hair is - Men should not have pig tails!

If their outfits weren't bad enough - they have another accessory - and these ones pee, whimper and creep me out - little purse dogs. I know that Tokyo is an over crowded city, so there's no room for normal dogs, like Labs or Golden Retrievers - but for god sakes, get rid of the ugly tea cup, miniature, genetically flawed, oversized rats - and especially don't ruin a perfectly good Gucci bag by shoving one of these hairy rodents into it! They have them everywhere - in the elevators, in lunch places, department stores, in bike baskets and hair salons. Dogs are meant to dig in the dirt, wrestle and bark at cats - not quiver in fear when they see a bird or falling leaves...I do find it funny that when you see a guy walking a small dog in America, he is either a) gay or b) walking it for his prissy girlfriend while she talks on the phone to her obnoxious girlfriends...Here - it's just a Tuesday butch points are subtracted for walking your mini-yorkie - but be warned - if I'm not within kicking distance to boot it in to the upper stratosphere - I will be judging your ass!!!

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