I thought that Godzilla was killed by a fictitious moth thing - but it turns out those things actually live here! They are huge - I would have thought for a small island country like Japan that the bugs would have been small and scarce..um, no...
This morning I woke up to the largest praying mantis on my door and I actually squealed a little - I thought it was gonna go right for my jugular! The moths here are also nothing to gawk at...They can be up to 6 inches and apparently they are actually poisonous - what?!
My least favorite, of course, are the spiders - which thank god I have not had the opportunity to run into yet...but the other creepy crawlies here are the large cockroaches that live everywhere...They are black, big and have wings - they are basically the grim reaper in bug form. My managers at work are so scared of them that they will interrupt my class to make me get one out of the hallway....Oh and if you are not used to cicadas - don't move here in the summer time - I am still confused in the morning when I keep trying to shut off my alarm clock, only to realize that it's a dying cicada in my window...
Ok - so I know there is doctors without borders - but can someone please start a dentists without borders and begin with Japan. The teeth here are awful! Between the yellow, crooked, snaggled tooth or the non flossers - I can't figure it out...there are more fake teeth here than all of Boca Raton and Scotsdale combined! And it's not just old people, young people have faces chocked full of messed up chewers too...
Let's talk about some basics in biking rules. Yes, I still have it and No, I haven't killed anyone while riding yet....
If you are a walker and you choose to walk in a fish tale pattern like a drunk sailor - then you are eligible for being run over - it's almost like you are a giant bullseye - so don't complain when I barely clip your shoulder..
If your bike has a squeaky brake - get it fixed or give up on using it and play kamikaze at the intersection, cause I can't handle that sound anymore!
Bikes are not like cars - it's not as funny to try and see how many drunk people you can fit on one bike at a time...
Just like driving - don't text and bike - it doesn't work and you ultimately end up sending inappropriate texts thanks to autocorrect
If I park my bike somewhere over night - that doesn't automatically mean that it becomes a garbage station - so stop putting your empty beer cans in my mommy basket!
Let me tell you about some of the parents that show up to work everyday. Some of these moms are gorgeous - yet they have the most horrendous children. These are the ones that hurl candy shrapnel out of their noses at me when they sneeze or think it's funny to kick me in the shins while I'm talking to their parents....I wanna ask them if they have bad vaginal karma at some point and popped out the anti-christ...
My other favorite is the moms that dress their children to match them - and I mean down to the bracelets...it's almost creepy - I can't tell if it's the mom that wants to stay young or the daughter who wants to grow up - but either way, it tends to freak me out and I hide in my room...
I am looking for other games that they actually understand - but I can't seem to get the idea of Old maid or rummy - way too complicated and I just don't have the patience to teach them yet- especially when a majority of them end up getting distracted and pick their friends noses instead - which reminds me to pick up some more purell and to laminate the cards so I can soak them in bleach at night...
I haven't had the heart to tell my coworker that he smells like a dirty rag - but I think it will be imperative in the next week before I pass out cold at work from the overwhelming rankness that looms in the hallways when he walks by. The smell can only be described to those who have worked in a bar before and know that smell that a bar towel gets after a crazy night, full of drunken college kids and it's the only cloth left and you'd rather not wipe up the spill then potentially get let the stench penetrate your skin - yeah, it's that times 10...I absolutely love my coworker because he's the simplest man ever. He's so kind you can't hate anything he does - though he is probably the most socially awkward person you will ever run into, he means well and is pretty cute with the kids....
So, I know that I'm an english teacher and I should be teaching them all the correct things to say and what not, but when you have said the same word 100 times in a row and then need to say it in the next class 100 times again - you want to change it up to keep yourself sane. I've learned a new trick to keep myself entertained - last week I had a young child that I decided to hold a fork up and I told her to say "spoon"...I giggled until I saw her the next week and she had her lunch with her and she looked at her mom with her fork in her hand and said 'spoon' - the mother speaks perfect english...crap! I rushed away with my head down, karmatically kicking my own ass...oh but today, there was a funny moment with an older lady that I have who read the book Anne of Green Gables during the past week and decided to tell me about it - while she was trying to describe the title of the book - she asked me how to say 'gables', so we worked it out phonetically....by the time I realized how I had split the word up - I was already trying to hold back the tears - I looked up on the white board and I had written "gay bulls"...which she nodded and wrote down in her daily file...great, now she thinks that the book is an animal version of Brokeback mountain....
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