Gays on Parade...

literally...

Today was gay pride in Tokyo - which is kind of the funniest oxymoron I've found in Japan so far - even more so than the phrase "good drivers"...

If you have ever been to a Pride parade in a large city - like Seattle, New York or Sydney - Tokyo pales in comparison. It was kinda like that cute attempt the 5 years old does when riding a bike for the first time, falls over and you pat them on the head and say 'try it again love..'

We all gathered (by all, I mean like 3000 people) in the big park in Shinjuku area - very fun park area, but we were very confused at first since there was also a music festival, which at first made me think that there were hundreds more people attending - nope, they were there to listen to some version on paid karaoke.

So we all queued up at the beginning and we were assigned a color band that corresponded to a group of parade participants - well we couldn't find our group - so we made our own. :)

Oh, and they don't call it a parade - it's a demonstration, since you cannot dance or sign without a permit and you are only allowed to have one motorized float per demonstration - and you can only use 1/4 of the street - so not only were we marching in protest, we were shoved on the side of the street while traffic continued to whizz by...lol

It was fun to see all the people dressed up in crazy anime costumes and even funnier to see the parade onlookers' reactions. People in Japan don't really know what to do with gay people, so instead of discrimination - they just kinda ignore and let them do their own thing. There were tons of foreigners in and around the parade - many of them were disappointed due to the lack of energy wince it was just basically a walk in the streets with rainbows - so nothing different from a normal Tuesday...;) Next year - I'm gonna need to be in charge and step this whole event up - we need some glitter, boys in spandex, thumpa thump music and the sister of perpetual indulgence...

There is this very strange business concept that has become a mecca for the losers in high school who never had girlfriends to come and hangout and have someone dode on you....it's call a Maid Cafe. It's probably the most uncomfortable experience for a gay man ever! YOu are escorted into the cafe and all the little 'maids' start giggling and squealing and talking to you - they make a big fuss about everything - they like to touch your hair and your clothes. Then they come over and they get on their knees and take your orders - mine was for a iced cappuccino - something that I thought would be pretty harmless. The little girl skipped off with her pig tails bouncing like she was on a trampoline. Her outfit was the classic french maid style - but pink and she kept squeaking when she talked...

I literally downed the cappuccino so that I could get the hell outta there - since I felt as though my absence of hallucinogens in my system were going to be a problem if I stayed there any longer...Note to the world - only go there if you think you have missed out on play time as a 3 year old...

Shopping in Ginza is quite the fun experience. The best part is you can pretend that you are some jet setter because all you have to do is wear your sunglasses inside each store - even though I think all the employees know that you are only in their store because they have the AC cranked up to the Antarctic setting. Abercrombie and Fitch has a giant 9 story flagship store and it's more like a ride at Disneyland than a shopping facility. When you walk in - there are shirtless men to take pictures with you - heavenly!

Then you are squished into an elevator - which we all know I hate - and then you are dropped off on the top floor - only to fight your way down to the bottom - which seems as though you are pinball bouncing from A&F salesperson to A&F salesperson - there are actually 4 per floor! They offered me a job when I was there, which was flattering, but I did my classic diva move - which involves the lowering of my sunglasses just enough for me to wink and tell them, I don't do retail hours....

When you eat in Japan - don't expect to be polite like we are in America and wait for everyone to receive something eat before digging in. Here, the first thing up comes to the table, so you get more of a broken progressive dinner than a coursed meal. It's very strange to be with a group and your food comes first and you wait for everyone else - so your food gets ice cold and the server keeps asking if anything is wrong. This is why so many tables just end up staring all the food instead of eating their own. Plus, never stack your plates - they find it rude - whereas those of us who have worked in the industry, think it's a nice gesture...

So, since my last train home is so early, I'm usually forced to stay out all night until the first train - which is the best time to really see the city. I went to Tsukiji market, which is the largest seafood market in the world. This place is so famous because of it's tuna auctions in the mornings. Well, they start at about 4 am for this - so those of us that are still stumbling around the city can find themselves at some of the best sushi places in Tokyo. You literally cannot get fresher sushi - the fish comes in from the boat and goes right to the plate. The tuna was like butter!

The market itself is absolutely crazy - there is no room for error in maneuvering yourself around the endless stalls - there are these crazy electric carts that transport the 1/2 ton tuna from here to their and they don't really have driving rules inside the market. There are hundreds of stalls and open with the fruits of the sea pouring in every few minutes. This place is 5 times the size of Pike Place Market and is absolute chaos - tourists would for surely die if this was in the states - plus the stall people are friendly to tourists since we are ultimately just in the way and customer service is not on their radar since we are not going to drag around 10 pounds of squid or 50 eels...

The national holiday is this week called Obon. It's a celebration for those who have died - similar to Dia del Muerto in Mexico - where the family goes to the grave, brings flowers and offerings and hangs out with the tombstones. Here, the whole city shuts down since everyone is supposed to be with their family - which of course is also gay pride since none of the asian men want to be with their families here...;)

So today, say a little prayer and remember the ones we have lost and cheers them with what's in hand....kampai!

drool and sweat

Wow - Tokyo is one hot place....

I can't even tell you all the crazy amounts of buckets of sweat I have lost...since this morning!!!

It's about 90 with 10000% humidity - its basically what I envision hell to be like - except with way more rice and less bad drivers...

It's only going to get hotter - which means I have another 12 weeks of sweating from pores that I didn't know existed..

My advice, unless your cold blooded creature - stay away from Tokyo when the sun is shining! It's funny cause I don't even mind that I have sweat streaks running down my back since the only thing I'm concerned with is the next stop off with AC!!

There actually are different levels of sweating I've decided - starts with the mild, healthy glow that you get when it's warm...then it moves into the small beads of sweat that accumulate on your head - much like on a first date or an awkward encounter with an ex...Then you start to get the back sweat, the kind that makes it awful to wear a shirt that has the ability to change colors like gray to dark gray - it's like putting a bullseye on your back for the butt end of jokes on the train...then, when the damn sun is in full force - you get the waterfall - the uncontrollable face, back, leg, arm leakage that just makes you the most unattractive person in the world - at this point you either need to just assuming the position and walk with your head high or find a nice boutique with an arctic blast goin on and pretend to show until you are dry - I won't mention that today I spent an hour in a lingerie shop cause it was colder than the skater shop next door - thank god for being gay!!

There is something fun that we don't have in America - Summer festivals! There is a festival every weekend in Japan. They are full of drunk people banging drums and bouncing portable shrines on their shoulders. The best part is these festivals are kind of just an excuse for more public drunkenness. I went to festival for the morning glory last week - wtf?!! who has a party over a plant?! The parties don't last long and everyone gets dressed up, which is fun - all except for the men in the traditional gear - let me explain the meaning of butt floss....It's like a diaper cut in half in the back and shoved in between ones butt cheeks - now it wouldn't be bad if these people all looked like Mario Lopez or someone with ass for days, but instead, we get to witness the horror of a drunk salary man running around like a giant kindergartener thinking he looks decent. Don't even get me started on the whistle blowing during these events - my ear drums are still recovering.

Though the good thing about summer is the food changes with the seasons - there are all new kinds of wonders to try at the store. Some good, some to pass on - but all worth a try. Many of the fruits are in full swing at this point and they are mixed into most desserts - very delicious. Along with food - I have learned that there are different ways to hold chopsticks - I thought there was just a universal way to get the food from plate to mouth - oh, no - there is a finesse that makes me green with envy...I have watched people eat with their finger towards the ends, others with this claw like position, some with the finely engineered positioning to get the optimal leverage...it's crazy - so I have been trying to mimic these over the last week - lets just say that I've stained 4 shirts, 2 pairs of pants and crushed my pride.

Earth quakes are common in japan - the only thing is I wish we could time them correctly. I was totally asleep in my sauna of an apartment finally, and then I am awoken to the rumbling of a minute long earthquake. Normally I would be fine with these - but you know that time when you are just waking up and you don't remember even you own name. Well my instinct was to grab something and run for the hills - well apparently the only thing close to me was a hand towel and I couldn't decide whether to run for the squeaky screen door or the front door. I chose the later and ended up saying hello to my new neighbors with just a hand towel - classy Dain...

The beaches in Tokyo are actually really fun - they are clean and there aren't many people at them since Japanese find tan skin repulsive. I liked the fact that there were 2 people in 500 feet of beach this weekend and it was hot as hell - where as in Seattle, I'd either have to bride someone with beer or sexual favors to cough up a small square of grass to sit on at Madison Beach. Too bad I look like Sebastian from the Little Mermaid now....:P

Omg, Let me tell you about the newest hair thing that scares the hell outta me - My good friend Erin calls it the super bun. This is a mess of hair properly arranged on the tops of ones head ranging from the size of a baseball to a small soccer ball. These things are dangerous since they are full of secrets and would probably do damage if fallen on...

Today, I saw one of the best specimens yet - she was sitting next to me so I couldn't take an photographic proof - but I crap you not, this thing was probably the size of a healthy watermelon precariously perched on top of her streaked blonde hair. The best part was that in between me attempting to touch it to see if it was actually a raccoon on her head - a beetle fell from the rack above onto the giant beehive mess and she didn't even notice - it was the first time that though I might actually have to get off the train to pee!!!

On a negative note about trains - it's the beginning of jumper season in Tokyo. I've already been to a station that was closed because someone thought it was better to jump in front a train then continue on with life. It's very sad - but unfortunately a very common occurrence here in Tokyo - pretty much weekly - it's covered by the national Japanese Insurance apparently, which is good cause it costs so much for clean up and the time lost for all the passengers - but it's so sad to think that someone is so sad that they can't go on - I want all those people to come and talk to me and hopefully some of my sparkly glitter will rub off on them!

Better news about the train today - I was coming home from Shibuya and there was the funnest thing I've seen yet on the trains. This woman, who looked normal and like a regular everyday business lady, sits down on the train across from me, pulls out a small blue hand towel, proceeds to place it gingerly around her neck like ones does with a bib to a child, puts her head down and sleeps - now this may not seems strange, but when when the woman is a natural drooling waterfall - one can't help but giggle - I could see the spittle in the sunshine and it was pretty much like a faucet dripping in full force...She literally was asleep in her drool on the train, in the middle of the day, she got up - folded up her towel and got off at the stop before me - now at this point I had laughed so hard I thought I was going to throw up!!!

Oh, let me tell you about some of my new students. There was a little girl who is newer to my Friday afternoon class - she has an amazing trick that she likes to perform, I think unconsciously during my class. She blows snot bubbles as she talks!!! It's awkward cause I laugh the whole time and I think she doesn't know why - I'm like a big 10 year old when she comes to class cause I wanna see if she's able to do it again each week. Too bad she's adorable and like 6...uggh - I'm awful...lol

So, I also have this new ritual with the hellian of a child and it's driving me nuts - not only am I not able to eat in peace when he's there - he has decided that it's awesome or ransack my room while I"m on my lunch and come over and stick his finger in each of my food items and ask what they are = if I don't get the bird flu - I will be shocked!!!

On a final note, a story that cannot be missed - so I have told you in the past about the garbage situation in Japan - everything is separated and organized...everything goes on different days - it's all greek to me - I can't figure out what the damn sign says so I usually just wait until I see what's supposed to be thrown away, run downstairs with my garbage and pray that I don't get yelled at by the little old ladies...We'll I've learned that easier then that is just to throw it away late at night when no one can spy on me so that I don't have to figure out which days to separate since some little magic elf does it anyways whenever i leave it...Well I guess I'm busted since last week, I pulled my usual CIA undercover spy move and ran it to the communal garbage spot and stealthily walked away - only to find the garbage piled neatly back up - ON MY PORCH! I've been spotted, tagged and labeled by the neighbors - damn - the honeymoon period is over!!!

Fuji 1 - Dain 0

Mother Nature won again on our recent trip up to Fuji...

Here's what went down....

So, we started our fun journey early in the morning in Shinjuku station - many of us coming from far stations. We actually all made it in time, which for this group of people, was very surprising.

We loaded ourselves onto the bus and made our way south forwards Fujisan.

Well lets just say that we didn't make any friends on the bus - we were very excited - so naturally we were talkative - which apparently most people wanted to sleep and didn't care about us swapping horror stories of our crazy children in class. 2 1/2 hours later - we finally pulled into the 5h station - where most of the tourists come to snap a quick photo and they say they've been on Fuji. I can see why - this station stop was fully supplied with every type of knock knack needed to prove you have climbed that beast. I'm pretty sure my favorite was the girl in patent leather pink peep toe stilettos walking down the beginning of the hike with her Chloe shades and Gucci bag - gripping her Starbucks since it was about 43 degrees. We acclimated pretty quick and decided to start ahead on the hike up the hill.

Started out great - we were making great time - and then we came to the 7th station stop. The hike went from flat smoothed out gravel into Bolle style hiking where chains and handgrips are required to traverse up the lava flow. This is where the weaklings turned around...;)

This is about where my shoes were officially Lake Erie. We where slowly being pelted by rain as if mother nature was warning us to turning around and get our butts back to the land of luxury coaches with heaters - but oh no, our stubborn butts decided to flip her the bird and continue on..bad idea...

So after another 2 hours of climbing, bitching, slipping and swearing - we made it to our mountain hut. Now those of us who are used to staying in hotels or at least fancy RV's, would have been shocked and appalled by the ancient accommodations that lay before us. It was a huge room with some tables to eat at and dry our clothes - beyond that there were bunk bed rooms - similar to the ones you were forced to go to a a child for summer camp - you know the musty smell those had - now multiple that by 130 years, add waterlogged boots and sweat soaked jackets littered all over the walkways. Oh, and no heat..only blankets on top of elongated bunk beds. We were given our 6 'slots' to sleep - so basically we were spooning like unwilling sardines....I was just hoping that I wouldn't catch some kind of head lice from the pillows or bed bugs from the covers...

We brought our wet wares to the giant, airplane engine looking heater that was in the middle of the main room. Let me explain this situation - we only had a few hours to get to dry our clothes since the energy for the mountain hut runs on a generator and needed to be turned off at some point. The scene was a bit of a cluster - it looked as though a garage sale had thrown up on the floor - and not a good one - the kind that the left overs wouldn't even be taken by the Goodwill. People held their dripping socks and soaked gloves in front of the heater - and if you stood back it looked as though they were refugees receiving their first food ration from the Red Cross. Everyone rotated - much like penguins - to maintain heat - which, in turn, turn lead to conversations with strangers. We met a few english speakers - since Fuji is primarily a tourist trap for the adventurous.

After some Chicken curry and a few round of cards - we decided to hit the sack and let the cuddle fest begin. You know that person that comes in the group that has to have the last word - well we had two that decided to fight for that title. After many "shhhh's" and "will you shut up"s- we got to rest...all until the wind started to pick up. This is where the little boy in me needed a blanky and a bed time story. It sounded as though giant dragons where landing around our hut, howling and shaking the ground. The wind was so strong there were times that we were afraid the roof was going to rip off - instead, the wind just picked up rocks from the mountainside and hurled them at our hut's metal roof - causing this metallic clang every 15 seconds or so. There was very little sleep to be had need less to say...

We were planning on being up at 2am to hike to the summit on the last 2 hour trek upwards - but we were told that it was too dangerous and we should not attempt. Well, we took their advice and slept a little longer. We were awoken at 5 to them telling us that we were basically forbidden to go to the top and they were actually evacuating us to the bottom of the mountain with a professional guide and we had 30 minutes to get our stuff together and join the parade - let's just say that was a one conga line I was not gonna miss....

Our trek down was pretty harmless - lots of strong gusts and a few moments of silence as we watched our pride slowly chip away as we descended to the green trees below. We all talked about going up again so that we could see the damn sunrise - but as the Japanese proverb goes, "He who climbs Fuji once is wise, he who climbs it twice is a fool."

Well as for you I was never much of a rule follower - so I think I'm going to pray to the weather gods, grab some better rain gear, pack some more chocolate and head up the beast one more time to see why Japan is actually called the land of the rising sun.

Damn Birds

Happy Fourth of July

It's strange to be in a city where there aren't big firework shows - since that's what I've grown up with and definitely missed this weekend. I love the outdoor BBQ's and the endless flow of beer - followed up with some off key national antheming and watching dumb boys see who can get the closest to the firework without it blowing their eyebrows off.

I have learned that I don't need an alarm clock in the morning since recently the neighborhood pests have moved into my block - where instead of hearing cooing from the pigeons in the morning - I hear them trying to procreate instead - sounds a bit like when you accidentally step on a cats tail and it yelps - well try that for an hour in the morning - not all that romantic.

The farther out you go into the countryside the less english people speak - no let me rephrase that - they turn what they think is english into Japanglish. Let's look at a menu for example. Would you want to order the assorted fried chicken cartilage on the menu? Or maybe the excess pork fat lumps? How about the raw chicken sashimi - Salmonella anyone?

There is really only one main street in Kasukabe that goes from the freeway right to the train station. Its nice since they just repaved the road and biking is easier there now, the only thing that they haven't fixed are the birds that hang out in the trees above. Everyday, biking home is like a sparrow poop russian roulette. The trees overhang onto the street and there are thousands of birds in the trees - the noise is unreal - the high pitched squawking sounds like my class of 5 year olds on Tuesdays...

Speaking of class, let me tell you about some of the students and what things they have accomplished this week...

My whale child still picks his nose heavily in class, but I have gotten him to at least stay near his seat. The sneezing girl decided that she wanted to draw all over her friend in class - so I gave her a permanent marker...ooops

One of my older student has issues with his teeth - each class he is missing a different tooth and the one missing from the class prior has found it's way back into his mouth. It's like oral dominos...

Afternoons have become daycare at work - the parents drop them off, they terrorize us for an hour and then we send them on their way - I really wish we had a playground to send them to since I have become the official new jungle gym and I swear if more child tries to pants me while they others are hangin on like bats - I'll loose it!

The only good thing about the parents is the tend to bring us gifts - probably as a pleading thank you for taking care of the little monsters for an hour so they can breathe....but they are pretty good snacks - I must say Japanese women are pretty good bakers. It funny though since every girl in Japan seems to be on somekind of diet, the managers give me all the food and make sure that I eat it so it looks as though we all have partaken in the gifts. Let's just say that Godiva gets old after a while..

I have found that Japanese people are seriously hypercondriatic....every time they get a bump - see the doctor, have a head ache - see a doctor, have a hangnail - see a doctor. It's almost on the verge of being ridiculous - and the funny part is they tell me to go all the time, but I won't have any idea what the doctor is telling me anyways....He will probably tell me it's just a cold, but with my lack of Japanese skills - I'll probably think he's tell me I have Leukemia...

I was pretty bummed last week when Pride happened in Seattle - it's pretty much my favorite holiday weekend (yes, I made it a national holiday) because I can be ridiculous, dance until the wee hours of the morning, drink myself crazy, do unladylike things out in public and wear whatever I think is appropriate clothing. The pride in Tokyo is going to be a lot less exciting I'm sure - I'm guessin the crowd might swell to 50 by the middle of the event - they will have floats made of rice, rainbow kimonos, asian tourists and me...on a float...alone...in my underwear...happy Pride/Fourth!

I'm backkkkk!

Ok, so I know that it's been a while, and really - not too much has happened - but let me tell you about life thus far in the rice patty fields of Kasukabe...:)

Well work is quite something else - I didn't plan on having so many children running around me - since I'm pretty sure I would have had my tubes tied (if I had em) after the first week of kids lessons. I have a number of unruly children - who funny enough, talk to me in Japanese thinking I understand them - so when I don't - instead I get a finger full of snot instead. There's something odd about Japanese children and their nasal passages - it's kinda disgusting. I have one child - we call him the whale for a couple of reasons - one he decides to sit in the back of the room and pretend that he's a whale, swimming on the floor and all - then, when he is finally done - he decides to stick both his fingers in his nose and proceed to talk the rest of the class while nose mining to the maximum! I'm not sure how he can get those pudgy little fingers all the way up there - but he's good...

I also have another child who, on the first day, instead of telling me her name - she sneezed in my face! So, while I was busy purelling my face - I had to entertain the children with a round of the ABC song - which after about 50 times looses its allure.

Work is super busy - some days I feel like a hooker standing by my door yelling "next!!" - which then 40 minutes later, I have another group of way-to-eager students waiting to see if I buckle under the pressure of me trying to explain "my pen vs. your pen" I never realized how complicated English is until I try to explain why rules exists - so instead my go to is - 'don't worry about it, just memorize it!'

My managers love me - I can do no wrong - I could probably pee on a child and they would think it's adorable. I think I'm still in the honeymoon period - so I'm gonna milk it for all its worth!

My apartment is much bigger than my old room - which I inconveniently shared with a strange Japanese student - so I feel much better - but the one thing I can't stand is the heat! I feel so though I've stepped into a Swedish sauna each time I come home..it's awful - I feel like I'm constantly dripping from places that I didn't think I could sweat from! Thank god I can break all the rules at work and not have to worry about wearing a tie - since that would just make me a giant walking toaster.

Oh, side note - if someone from America could please make some kind of advertisement showing asians that deodorant is a good thing - that would be amazeballs since I feel as though I'm walking into the wrong side of laundry day each time I step into a train car...

Bills are a funny thing in Japan. Now at home, you usually pay for things the good old fashioned way - with a letter, check and a stamp - but oh no, not in Japan...They proceed to stick a funny little slip of paper in one of your three mail spots in your house and then you take that bill to the 7 eleven (yes, that's not a typo) and you pay your bills there...The biggest problem is since Japan likes to think that it's super efficient.. so instead of just giving you one bill - you get a weekly update...now for a local, that's probably great - but for a foreigner, it makes me worried that I'm going to get up in the morning and have to take a cold shower cause they have turned off my hot water...

I know that nature and I haven't always been the best of friends - but recently, nature shocked me yet again....I was walking by the river when I heard this god awful low burp ribbit thing, and I literally recoiled and ran - only to find out that it's a bull frog...These things sound like prehistoric rabid donkeys with strep throat - it's the scariest thing at night! Who ever said you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince was seriously not lockin lips with one of these behemoth things! Nature 1 - Dain 0

Well since you all know that I am prone to judge - I have found a few more faults of Japanese women...So, it seems as though there are only 2 kinds of women in Japan - the ones that people call exotic, who belong in magazines or on tv - and all the rest - who look as though they have fallen from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. To make matters worse - there is some kind of genetic defect with people being pigeon toed...it's not just a little bit, I'm talking about tripping over your left big toe as you walk - it's awful and it looks painful. So instead of hiding these flaws as a normal person would - the lovely young girls wear hooker thigh highs and Mary Janes and strut their lopsided selves down the street. You go gurl!

Oh and let me tell you about the garbage nazis...So, being that Japan is only technically an island - there's not a lot of places to put garbage - so the Japanese have gotten creative by doing things like burning it, sinking it or burying it. Well, each day there is a different pick up for each type of item. Now, in the states, there is a day for recycle and garbage - but Japan takes it one step farther - you must separate out the glass, the plastic bottles, the cans, the cardboard, the combustible, the non combustible and the compost. Now, according to the calendar, downstairs, in Japanese, that I can't read - each day has a different color. Well I haven't gotten that pattern down yet, so I just take everything and put in into the designated area for the waste. Usually in the morning, I come to see that someone has gone through my trash and separated out everything, placing some outside as though I should come back and get it. This is why I have to pull my stealthy ninja type move at night so none of the neighbors know that it's me that's putting the waste out on the wrong day, so I usually pretend like I'm going somewhere one my bike - make one pass by - then like a bat outta hell - I throw everything into the cement landing under the netting and make a run for it! I'm just waiting for the day that there is either a) a little old lady waiting with a tazer gun outside the garbage area or b) all of my lovely discards are piled neatly back onto my front door...

Saw Cirque du Soleil here in Tokyo - what an amazing show - the music was the best yet and the performers were pretty attractive I must say - too bad the first thing I though was - wow, I guess I need to start going to the gym twice a day...:P

And lastly, in America we tend to feel that some things are kept private - like social security numbers, sexual history and the number of times you've inadvertently peed your pants - well in Japan, there are no rules against what kind of things they ask for, which I have come to find that the strangest thing I have been asked for is my blood type - at the bank! I'm not sure how this works - but I'm guessing that in case I either slit my wrists on an ATM withdraw or get shot during a hold up - they would be able to tell the hospital what bag to fix me up with. I guess I'm just hoping that when I sign up for my grocery discount card next week that they don't ask me for a stool sample...:P

Fat man in a little suit...

Wow, there's nothing like seeing a giant 6 foot flubbery asian man squished into an oversized diaper...it's kinda like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube..it's a scary mess...

Although, it is a very time honored past time of Japanese culture, Sumo wrestling is not glamorous - I'm not exactly sure who started the rumor that Sumo wrestlers are "sexy", but they should be tarred and feathered. Watching two walruses fight on the discovery channel is about the closest description of what I witnessed in real life at the big stadium dedicated just to Sumo in Tokyo. Fights last about 5 seconds and there's a mass of cellulite thrown around a ring until someone gets winded or uncoordinated and fall. People have their favorites who get these funny chants from the crowd similar to baseball hassling chants. They also get paid after each fight - so once you get done bashing each other, you get a stack of cash. One thing I don't get is why people pay so much for the floor seats....Here's my thoughts on that - if you have floor seats at the Lakers game - you would want someone like Kobe Bryant to fall in your lap - or maybe at a concert - you'd hope that the lead singer would crowd surf right into you - but there's no way in hell I want a 300 pound, sweaty, stinky, half naked Sumo man falling on me! I'd take that thousand dollar floor seat and cash it in - grab a nose bleed seat - far from the fat rolls, kick back with a beer and learn the funny chants...

So, when it's sunny out usually people wear sunglasses - but apparently in Japan like like to suffer from ocular migraines - since no one wears sunglasses during the day. I don't quite understand this since I know that I don't like to squint for hours on end....Though, it does make me look more like a celebrity when I rock the shades even in the train station...:)

I'm glad that I don't get pee shy, since urinals are placed about 3 inches from the next...I'm so used to the ones in the states that have partitions or separate dividers - unlike Tokyo - you have a place to hang your umbrella and put your bags above the urinal and bump elbows with the guy next to you...but the funniest part isn't that Japanese bathrooms would be a politicians' nightmare for a scandal in the states - but more that the people who clean the bathrooms are little old ladies and they has absolutely problem throwing a smelly stick into your urinal as your peeing. For a conservative country as Japan - I'm shocked that I'm able to pee with grandma...

Let's talk about work real quick...let's see where do I start....:P

So, I've been training to start next week with my new company - let's just say I'd rather chew on glass or sit on hot coals....It has to be the most degrading thing...for the trainers! Not only did we do the same lesson plans - we had to do them twice since I trained with someone - and the poor trainer had to pretend to be a 4 year old child...Im Japan, it's very important to pretend to like whatever you are doing even if you hate it!

At work, you are supposed to show up early, leave late and smile the whole time...I'm not shocked now why salary men in Tokyo drink every night, pass out on the trains home and then get up and do it all again...

Sharehouse rules 101 - let me enlighten you..

1. If you buy a carton of eggs - it doesn't mean that just taking one won't go unnoticed!

2. When you bring someone home with you, please make sure they have decent hygiene - I have to live here and don't want to smell them after they have left

3. Do not put porn on the background of the public computer that we all share - I don't need that awful surprise when I'm checking my email at 3 am!

4. The shower room is meant for what its called- to shower - its not a sauna, its not a nail salon, its not a barber shop - so please don't use it in other ways - oh and don't think that I haven't noticed someone using my expensive shampoo!

5. If there is a new person moving in - don't be an ass and scare them with all the horror stories of who's lived here in the past or other strange thing - let them work it in with baby steps...

6. If you are an early riser - please remember that not all of us share your enthusiasm about sunrises and birds chirping since many of us have just come home from all night of partying and just need to pass out and start our awful hangovers in peace!

7. Don't discuss politics and religion - much like you wouldn't do it with your new in-laws - unless there's a large bottle of Whiskey on the table - then it's fair game....

8. If you're sick - please put yourself in quarantine - I don't want your strange bird flu!

9. The laundry room is not meant for the holy grail of places "not to get caught" while messing around with the new drunk mess you brought from the bar last night - I want to know that my clothes are going to go in dirty and come out clean!

10. Lastly, remember that we are all here to learn about each other and share our experiences about the past - don't play the TMI game with me cause I'm probably going to remember when you tell me about "....the one time that I got crabs..."

Attention: please put your seats up in their full and upright position...

And finish ur damn cocktail!!! I'm pretty sure that Megan and I decided that it was a good idea to drink to take the edge off our fear of flying at 8 am....;) Thank god Japanese people drink at all times of the day!

So, we went to Okinawa and it was not exactly how we planned it. To start off - we were drowned rats for the first 2 days...Now I know that when you are on a tropical island, that it's gonna rain pretty much everyday...well by rain, I mean torrential downpour, like the gods were peeing directly on the island...it's was crazy how much water just appeared - I felt like I was in some crazy fish tank!

We bought our own dinner to be cooked on spot - which we felt horrible about since the body was still moving as the guy made sashimi out of his body - but it was so damn good, we just turned the head the other way..:(

Yogurtland is our new best friend - let me tell you about this glorious establishment! Its a self-serve, 12 flavor, 25 topping slice of heaven frozen yogurt place - and it makes my world go round! Literally we would wake up from naps and blurt out "yogurtland" and neither of us had a problem giving into temptation! :) Most expensive cups of FroYo ever though - since it's on weight and I don't think I could fit anymore into the cups - thank god I have good spacial skills and could stack up those oreos and poundcake like a Jenga tower!!

We did end up hangin out with some military boys that I had met and thank god, cause they showed us around the island via car - since apparently you need one to get around, otherwise you are stuck walking here and there...

It's funny - the package thing we were on gave us tickets to the aquarium....so one would assume that it's an aquarium that you can get to - oh no..what a mistake that was! The aquarium was like 3 hours at the top of the island in the middle of nowhere - so there was no hope for us getting to see those giant whale sharks! So, instead we just went to the base and I saw them there! It was awful on the biggest of the military bases - it felt like I had never left the states - there were Burger Kings, Popeyes and a Walmart - full outfitted with all the lovely large characters that tend to fill the stores back home. Apparently, base wives have nothing else to do besides pop out kids, eat fast food, watch the latest movies and increase their belly circumference. The only plus was Megan and I were able to eat cereal! Let me tell you how exciting it was to stare at an aisle of cereal options - I kinda started twitching with excitement!

All in all, the trip was fun - it was warm, we made new friends, I gained about 3 pounds and I'm pretty sure that next time I visit - I'm taking an extra rollie bag to pack full of cereal, nutella and Gatorade! Okinawa - you aren't done with me yet...:)

Back at the ranch - I started work yesterday - and let me tell you - training feels like Kindergarten without naptime...I was sitting there staring a laminated cards reciting the alphabet - I felt like I am Sam...

So, this morning when I was making my way home from a night out - I was stopped by the Police...it was interesting since they asked to check my bag and then they padded me down. Now, mind you there are many other people around in the area, but I was the only one they targeted. I think I put the pieces together as to why...

So, Japan has a zero tolerance drug policy, and yesterday, I had to write a notice for my work reminding all the employees that we are drug free zone - though the President laughed when he asked if we had ever tried pot before, and I accidentally giggled...he gave me the thumbs up - god bless fun asian bosses...:) So, work got a call from the Police reminding them to let all foreigners about this rule - which makes sense as to why they stopped me - they are trying to make sure that we are not partaking in illicit activities - I just wish that the guys padding me down was a 6 foot swedish man with large hands...I guess I can always dream right? ;)